roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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