I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
