Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
