I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
