so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I pour the whiskey from now on
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
