I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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