I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
