She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize