She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
