My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
