dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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