Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
