She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
