Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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