i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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