is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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