Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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