The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
