Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
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None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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