but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize