I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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