Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
