Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
