i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
