I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
