Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
