dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
