So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
