thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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