I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
