its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
