Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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