she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
