So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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