does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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