I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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