I think im going to throw up on grandma
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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