How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
