Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
