how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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