I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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