he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
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