I smell stomach acid.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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