Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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