I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
