i may or may not be watching the land before time
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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