I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
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Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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