Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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