Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just want to make out with him forever
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
