I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
