Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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