I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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