when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
