Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
