just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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