I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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