but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im six kinds of drunk right now
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
