After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
