I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
