So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
