so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
