and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
