I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
