We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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