the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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