If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
